If you’re thinking about setting firm boundaries with your parents, or even stepping away from the relationship entirely, you’re not alone. Many adults find themselves in this difficult place, wanting to feel safe and respected, yet also carrying a deep sense of guilt, grief, or confusion.

These feelings are valid. And therapy can help you sort through them with kindness and clarity. This post offers a gentle perspective if you’re wondering whether distance might actually be a path toward healing.

Why This Feels So Complicated

The idea of creating distance from a parent can feel almost unthinkable. You might hear a voice inside saying, “But they’re my parents,” or “I shouldn’t feel this way.” Cultural, spiritual, or family messages often tell us that honoring our parents means staying close, no matter what.

But what if staying close means staying hurt? What if being around them brings up old wounds, anxiety, or a sense of never being good enough?

These are the kinds of questions that therapy can help you explore, not to make the decision for you, but to support you in making the one that’s healthiest for your emotional well-being.

Boundaries Are a Form of Self-Respect

Setting boundaries is not a punishment. It’s not revenge. And it doesn’t mean you don’t care.

Boundaries are a way to take care of yourself. They say, “This is what I need in order to feel emotionally safe.”

For some people, boundaries look like shorter phone calls, limited topics, or fewer visits. For others, especially when there has been emotional abuse or ongoing disrespect, the most protective boundary might be long-term or permanent distance.

Whatever your situation, your needs are important. You get to decide what kind of relationship you can handle if any.

Your Body Might Be Telling the Story

Sometimes, the signs that you need boundaries don’t come from your thoughts. They come from your body.

Maybe you feel drained or anxious after every conversation. Maybe you brace yourself before seeing them. Maybe you feel like a child again, small and unsure, even though you’re an adult.

These responses often have roots in past experiences. Therapy can help you understand how your nervous system is reacting and what it might be trying to protect you from. This is especially important if you grew up with emotional neglect, constant criticism, or an unpredictable home environment.

You don’t have to ignore these signals. They’re trying to help you stay safe.

Some Parents Can Grow. Others Cannot.

Not every difficult parent-child relationship needs to end. Sometimes, with the right support, things can change. Some parents are able to hear your needs, take responsibility, and work with you to repair the relationship.

But some parents are not willing or not able to do that. They may ignore your boundaries, criticize your feelings, or make you feel guilty for even bringing things up.

Therapy can help you figure out whether your parent is open to growth or whether continued contact would keep causing harm. You don’t need to wait for them to change in order to choose peace for yourself.

The Role of Guilt

Almost everyone who sets boundaries with a parent feels some guilt at first. You might wonder, “Am I being selfish?” or “Am I turning my back on them?”

But guilt does not always mean you’re doing something wrong. Sometimes it simply means you’re doing something different, something your family never taught you was okay.

In therapy, we talk about how guilt can be a sign that you’re breaking old patterns. And while that can feel scary, it can also be the start of something freeing. You are allowed to put your emotional health first.

What If I Don’t Want to Cut Off Contact Completely?

That is okay. You do not have to make an all-or-nothing decision.

Some people choose low-contact relationships. They stay in touch but on their own terms—maybe only around holidays, or through short messages, or with clear boundaries about what they will and won’t talk about.

Others take a break from contact while they sort out what they need. That break can be temporary or it can lead to something more permanent. There’s no right answer. You get to choose what works best for your heart and your healing.

Here are a few gentle questions to consider:

• How do I feel before, during, and after contact with my parent?

• Have I tried to express my needs? How was that received?

• Do I feel respected and safe in this relationship?

• What kind of contact, if any, feels manageable right now?

You can explore these questions in therapy without pressure to act right away. Sometimes just naming what you need can be the first step toward change.

Grieving What You Didn’t Get

Choosing distance, whether temporary or long-term, often brings up grief. You might grieve the relationship as it is, or the version of it you always wished you had. That sadness is real, and it deserves space.

Therapy can support you through this grief. It can also help you begin to heal the parts of yourself that were shaped by trying to earn love from someone who couldn’t give it in the way you needed.

You might even begin to practice something called “reparenting” learning to show yourself the care, protection, and compassion that you may not have received growing up. This work can be powerful and deeply healing.

You Deserve to Feel Safe

If you’re thinking about setting boundaries with a parent or stepping away from the relationship altogether, know this: you are not wrong for wanting peace. You are not cruel for needing space. You are not alone.

Therapy can give you a place to process your pain, untangle your thoughts, and move forward with more clarity and confidence. You don’t have to do this on your own.

You are allowed to choose emotional safety. You are allowed to protect your peace. And you are allowed to build a life where you feel loved, supported, and whole no matter what anyone else says.