We often treat sleep like an afterthought. We cram it between late-night emails and early alarms, assuming it should just happen naturally if we give it enough time. But what if the problem is not the number of hours we spend in bed, but how we relate to the entire process of sleeping?

As a therapist, I talk with clients all the time about the quiet weight of exhaustion. When your sleep is off, everything feels harder. Your patience thins. Your anxiety spikes. Your body becomes a stranger. And while the term “sleep hygiene” gets tossed around a lot, it is not just about cutting out screens or drinking less coffee. It is about creating the right conditions for your brain and body to trust that rest is safe, possible, and restorative.

In this post, I draw from a foundational research paper by Stepanski and Wyatt that breaks down what sleep hygiene really means and how poor habits around sleep can quietly sabotage emotional and physical well-being. We will look at what the science says, why these habits matter in real life, and how you can start shifting your sleep experience—not just to rest more, but to live more fully.

What Is Sleep Hygiene, Really?

Sleep hygiene refers to the behavioral and environmental practices that support consistent, uninterrupted, and quality sleep. Think of it like tending a garden. You cannot force a flower to bloom, but you can create the conditions sunlight, water, healthy soil, that give it the best chance to thrive. Similarly, sleep hygiene involves removing the barriers that interfere with your body’s natural sleep-wake rhythm.

According to Stepanski and Wyatt, poor sleep hygiene is not a single behavior. It is a collection of patterns that, over time, chip away at the quality of your sleep. These patterns might include:

• Going to bed or waking up at inconsistent times

• Using substances like caffeine, nicotine, or alcohol too close to bedtime

• Doing mentally stimulating activities in bed, like working or watching TV

• Napping too long or too late in the day

• Staying in bed awake for long stretches, which trains your brain to associate your bed with frustration instead of rest

These behaviors might seem harmless in isolation. But together, they create a feedback loop that disrupts your circadian rhythm and undermines your ability to fall and stay asleep.

Why Sleep Matters for Mental Health

Before we dive into the details of what to do (and not do), it is important to understand why sleep matters so much, especially in the context of therapy and emotional health.

Poor sleep is not just a symptom of stress or anxiety. It is often a driver. When you are not sleeping well, your emotional regulation takes a hit. Your tolerance for everyday frustrations shrinks. You may find yourself snapping at your partner, zoning out during important conversations, or feeling unmotivated and numb.

From a neurobiological standpoint, sleep plays a critical role in memory consolidation, emotional processing, and nervous system regulation. Without adequate sleep, your brain is less equipped to sort through emotional experiences, which can make therapy feel stagnant or overwhelming.

Stepanski and Wyatt note that addressing sleep hygiene can be a powerful entry point for clients dealing with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and chronic stress. Rather than waiting for sleep to improve as a byproduct of other interventions, targeting sleep directly can create momentum and clarity across many areas of a person’s life.

Common Pitfalls: What Gets in the Way of Good Sleep

Let’s talk about some of the common sleep disruptors that show up in clients’ lives, many of which are outlined in the research but also appear in therapy rooms every day.

1. Irregular Sleep Schedules
Your body thrives on rhythm. When your sleep and wake times fluctuate wildly, your circadian clock loses its anchor. This makes it harder to feel sleepy at night and alert in the morning. Even small variations—like sleeping in two hours later on weekends—can create a kind of social jet lag that leaves you groggy and unfocused.

2. Using the Bed for Everything
If you work, eat, scroll, or have emotionally intense conversations in bed, your brain starts to associate your bed with stimulation instead of rest. Over time, this weakens the cognitive link between bed and sleep. The key is to reserve your bed for two things only: sleep and sex. Everything else should happen elsewhere, even if that means creating a cozy chair nook in the same room.

3. Substance Use
Caffeine and nicotine are obvious culprits, but alcohol often flies under the radar. While alcohol may help you fall asleep faster, it disrupts your sleep architecture—particularly REM sleep—and leads to more fragmented and less restorative rest. If you are using substances to wind down, it might be worth exploring what you are trying to quiet, and whether there are other, gentler ways to get there.

4. Napping Late in the Day
Naps are not inherently bad. In fact, short naps can be restorative. But if you nap for too long (over 30 minutes) or too late in the afternoon, you may delay your sleep onset at night and inadvertently start a cycle of nighttime insomnia and daytime fatigue.

5. Staying in Bed Awake
It may sound counterintuitive, but staying in bed when you cannot sleep actually makes things worse. Your bed becomes a site of frustration rather than rest. Stepanski and Wyatt suggest getting up if you have been awake for more than 15 to 20 minutes. Do something quiet and non-stimulating—read a paper book, listen to soft music—and return to bed only when you feel sleepy again.

The Therapeutic Angle: More Than Just Habits

While these guidelines are helpful, it is important to understand that sleep is not just about behavior. It is about safety.

Many clients I work with struggle to sleep not because they do not know the rules, but because their bodies are holding onto a deeper sense of vigilance. For survivors of trauma, the idea of fully relaxing can feel threatening. For parents, the night may be a time of anticipatory worry. For high achievers, lying in bed with nothing to do can feel intolerable.

In therapy, we often explore what comes up around sleep such as shame, fear, over-responsibility, and loneliness and how those emotional undercurrents might be keeping the nervous system in a state of activation. Improving sleep hygiene is not just about modifying behaviors. It is also about creating a felt sense of safety that allows the body to shift into rest.

Getting Started: Small Shifts That Make a Big Impact

If you are struggling with sleep, here are a few research-backed and compassion-driven steps to begin:

• Anchor your wake-up time first. Even if your sleep was poor the night before, get up at the same time every morning. This helps reset your internal clock.

• Create a wind-down routine that signals to your body that sleep is coming. This might include dimming the lights, turning off screens, and engaging in a calming activity for 30 to 60 minutes before bed.

• Keep your bedroom dark, cool, and quiet. Invest in blackout curtains or a white noise machine if needed. Your environment matters more than you think.

• Limit clock-watching. Checking the time when you are having trouble sleeping only ramps up anxiety. Turn your clock away or remove it from view.

• Be patient. These changes take time. It may take a couple of weeks for your body to adjust, especially if you have been dealing with sleep issues for a long time.

A Final Thought: Sleep as an Act of Self-Compassion

At its core, good sleep hygiene is not just a checklist. It is an invitation to treat yourself with care. To listen to what your body needs. To trust that rest is not something you have to earn, but something you inherently deserve.

If sleep has been a struggle for you, you are not alone. Whether your sleeplessness comes from anxiety, trauma, parenting stress, or a busy mind that will not quit, there is hope. You do not have to figure it all out at once. Start with one small shift. Then another. Let rest be a practice, not a performance.

And if you are finding it hard to rest, even when you try, therapy can help. You do not have to do this alone.

👉 If you are ready to explore how your sleep connects with your emotional life, reach out. We can work together to uncover the deeper patterns, create sustainable shifts, and help your body finally feel safe enough to rest.

📅 Schedule a free 15-minute consultation at https://drwagner.appointlet.com or send me a message through the contact form. I would be honored to support you.

Reference
Stepanski, E. J., & Wyatt, J. K. (2003). Use of sleep hygiene in the treatment of insomnia. Sleep Medicine Reviews, 7(3), 215–225. https://doi.org/10.1053/smrv.2001.0246