One of the most common things I hear from couples in therapy is, “We feel more like roommates than partners.” If that feels familiar, you’re definitely not alone. When life gets busy, it’s so easy to lose that sense of closeness you once had. Between work, family, errands, and constant notifications, finding time to truly connect can feel almost impossible.

But here’s the good news. Rebuilding that closeness doesn’t require grand romantic gestures or hours of deep conversations every night. Often, it’s the small, repeated moments of connection that make the biggest difference. These are what relationship expert Dr. John Gottman calls “rituals of connection.” They’re little ways we stay in each other’s lives, even during the busiest of seasons.

As a therapist, I’ve seen the power of these rituals firsthand. They help couples feel more seen, more supported, and more secure. So let’s explore what rituals of connection are, why they matter, and how you can create your own to help strengthen your relationship.

What Are Rituals of Connection?

Rituals of connection are simple, intentional habits that help couples stay emotionally close. These are the things you do regularly that signal, “I’m here for you” or “You matter to me.” They can be as small as a morning kiss, a bedtime check-in, or a weekly walk around the block together.

These rituals don’t need to be fancy or time-consuming. What matters is that they’re consistent and meaningful to you both. Over time, they create a sense of rhythm and emotional safety in your relationship. They remind you that even when things are chaotic, you have a reliable way to come back to each other.

Why Rituals Matter So Much

Rituals of connection are like the glue that holds a relationship together, especially during stressful or uncertain times. Gottman’s research shows that couples who regularly engage in these rituals are more satisfied in their relationships and better equipped to handle conflict.

Here’s why they work so well:

  • They build emotional intimacy. These small moments make space for meaningful emotional connection.

  • They reinforce your bond. Over time, they become part of your unique couple identity and shared story.

  • They create a sense of security. Having predictable ways to connect can make your relationship feel like a safe haven.

  • They help reduce conflict. When you feel more emotionally connected, you’re more likely to feel patient, generous, and understanding with each other.

Examples of Rituals You Can Try

If you’re not sure what rituals you already have or how to create new ones, here are a few ideas that might feel doable and meaningful:

  • Morning check-ins. Spend a few minutes together before the day begins. You could ask, “How are you feeling this morning?” or “What’s on your plate today?”

  • Goodbye and hello hugs. Simple physical touch, like a hug or a kiss when one of you leaves or returns, can go a long way.

  • Evening wind-down chats. Lying in bed and sharing one high and one low from your day can help you reconnect.

  • Weekly date night. It doesn’t need to be a fancy dinner. Even a shared snack, a walk, or a favorite show on the couch counts if it’s intentional.

  • Shared meals. Sitting down together without screens, even for just 10 minutes, can be a great way to check in and catch up.

  • Inside jokes or little phrases. These shared moments of humor and connection build your couple culture in small but powerful ways.

The key is that these are shared and repeated, and they make you both feel good.

How to Create Your Own Rituals

You don’t need to overhaul your whole schedule to feel more connected. Just a few small steps can make a big impact. Here’s how to get started:

1. Talk About What Feels Connecting

Set aside time to talk about the small things that already help you feel close. You might be surprised to find that some rituals already exist in your relationship. Ask each other:

  • When do you feel most connected to me?

  • What’s one thing we could do regularly to help us feel closer?

This can be a fun and even sweet conversation that reminds you both of the little things you love.

2. Start Small

You don’t need to create a dozen rituals overnight. Pick one or two that feel easy and try to do them consistently. Maybe it’s a hug every morning or a quick text during the workday. Keep it simple and doable.

3. Make It Yours

The best rituals are the ones that feel natural to you as a couple. If something doesn’t work or feels forced, that’s totally okay. You can try something else. The point is to find rituals that feel comforting, fun, or meaningful for both of you.

4. Be Flexible

Rituals may shift depending on your season of life. What worked when you were dating might look different after kids, job changes, or moving. That doesn’t mean the connection is lost. It just means it’s time to adjust and create new ways of staying close.

Rituals Don’t Need to Be Perfect

Sometimes couples worry that they’re doing it wrong if they forget a ritual or if one person isn’t as consistent as the other. That’s completely normal. These rituals are not about perfection. They’re about presence.

What matters most is the message behind the ritual. You’re saying, “I care about you. I want to stay connected.” That intention, even when things get messy, is what really makes a difference.

Let’s Strengthen Your Rituals Together

If you and your partner are feeling a little disconnected or just want to be more intentional about how you show up for each other, couples therapy can be a safe, supportive space to explore what connection looks like for you.

You don’t have to figure it out alone. I offer a free 20-minute consultation to help you decide if working together is a good fit. We’ll talk about what’s been challenging, what’s working, and what kind of support you’re looking for.

Click here to book your free consultation and take the next step toward building the kind of relationship you both deserve.