How Purity Culture Impacts Our Sexuality: Healing, Reclaiming, and Moving Forward
Purity culture has shaped how many of us think about sex, relationships, and self-worth. It often teaches that staying “pure” is the key to being moral and valuable. But these messages can lead to shame, fear, and confusion about sexuality. If you’ve struggled with this, you’re not alone. Healing is possible, and you deserve a relationship with sex and intimacy that feels safe, joyful, and truly your own.
What is Purity Culture?
Purity culture became widely known in the 1990s and early 2000s, especially in evangelical Christian spaces. It promoted strict abstinence until marriage, with messages like “true love waits” and “your worth is tied to your purity.” Many were taught that even thinking about sex was sinful, and they were given harmful metaphors—like being a “chewed-up piece of gum” if they lost their virginity before marriage.
While these teachings may have been well-intended, they often led to emotional distress and long-term struggles with sexuality and relationships. If you’ve ever felt ashamed of your desires or afraid of intimacy, you’re not alone.
How Purity Culture Affects Sexuality
1. Shame and Guilt Around Sex
One of the biggest effects of purity culture is deep-seated shame. You might feel guilty for having sexual thoughts or desires, even though they’re a natural part of being human. This can make it hard to enjoy intimacy, even in a loving relationship. Instead of seeing sex as something positive, many people raised in purity culture struggle with fear, anxiety, or discomfort around it.
2. Feeling Disconnected from Your Own Body
If you were taught that your body was a source of temptation or that it existed for others rather than for yourself, it might be hard to feel connected to it. You may struggle with knowing what feels good to you or even what you want from intimacy. Learning to reconnect with your body is a key part of healing.
3. Fear of Sex and Intimacy
Purity culture often makes sex feel like a dangerous or shameful thing. This can lead to anxiety, avoidance, or discomfort in relationships. Some people feel like they can’t switch from “sex is bad” to “sex is good” after getting married, leading to confusion and frustration. Others might avoid dating or intimacy altogether, unsure of how to navigate relationships in a healthy way.
4. Struggles in Relationships
Many people raised in purity culture believed that saving sex for marriage would guarantee a happy, fulfilling relationship. But in reality, many struggle with mismatched expectations, fear, or lack of understanding about their own needs. Purity culture also enforces strict gender roles, which can create imbalances and frustration in relationships.
5. Sexual Anxiety and Dysfunction
Because the brain links sex with shame or fear, some people experience physical challenges like pain during sex, difficulty with arousal, or low libido. Your body and mind are connected, and if you’ve been taught that sex is wrong, it makes sense that your body might respond with discomfort or distress. Healing these issues takes time, but it is absolutely possible.
Healing and Reclaiming Your Sexuality
If purity culture has impacted you, know that you can heal. Here are some steps to help you reconnect with yourself and build a healthier, happier relationship with sex and intimacy:
1. Replace Shame with Self-Compassion
You are not broken, and there is nothing wrong with you. Sexuality is a natural part of being human. Practice self-compassion by reminding yourself that your desires, thoughts, and needs are valid.
2. Learn About Sex on Your Own Terms
Many people raised in purity culture never received real sex education. Take time to learn about your body, pleasure, consent, and healthy intimacy. Books, podcasts, and sex-positive therapists can be great resources.
3. Take It at Your Own Pace
Healing doesn’t have to happen all at once. It’s okay to explore what feels good for you, whether that’s self-discovery, open conversations, or taking small steps toward intimacy. There’s no rush—you get to decide what feels right for you.
4. Seek Support
If you’re struggling with shame, anxiety, or relationship challenges, therapy can help. A therapist who understands religious trauma and sexual shame can help you work through these feelings and build a healthier view of sex and relationships.
5. Define Purity in a New Way
Instead of seeing purity as avoiding sex, consider it as living in a way that aligns with your values, self-respect, and authenticity. Healthy sexuality isn’t about restriction—it’s about choice, respect, and connection.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve a Healthy, Joyful Relationship with Sexuality
Purity culture may have left its mark, but it doesn’t have to define your future. You are allowed to explore, enjoy, and embrace your sexuality in a way that feels right for you. Healing is possible, and you are not alone in this journey.
If you’re ready to work through the effects of purity culture and reclaim your sexuality, therapy can be a great step. Click below to book an online session and start your journey toward healing today.
