When a beloved pet dies, the grief that follows can be deep and tender, especially for children. For many kids, a pet is more than just an animal. Pets are playmates, confidants, sources of unconditional love, and often, a child’s first experience of responsibility. Losing them can feel like losing a best friend. As adults, it’s not always easy to know how to support a grieving child. We want to comfort them, to make it better, yet we also want to help them build resilience and process what they’re feeling in a healthy way.

Grief expert William Worden offers a helpful framework for understanding the mourning process. His “Four Tasks of Mourning” can guide us in supporting children through the death of a pet in a loving, grounded, and developmentally appropriate way.

Let’s explore each of these tasks through the lens of a child’s experience.

Task 1: To Accept the Reality of the Loss

For children, the concept of death can be confusing, especially if they are younger. Depending on their age and developmental stage, they may not fully understand what it means for a pet to be gone. Some may believe the pet will come back or think of death as temporary. Others may imagine that their pet is still alive somewhere, just out of reach.

This is where honesty, paired with gentleness, really matters.

It’s okay to use simple, clear language. Saying something like, “Max died yesterday. That means his body stopped working, and he won’t be coming back,” is more helpful than euphemisms like “went to sleep” or “went away.” These can create confusion or even fear about sleep or separation.

Children often take their emotional cues from the adults around them. If we model acceptance, while also making room for sadness, we show them that it’s okay to feel both the truth of the loss and the emotions that come with it.

What can help:

  • Share memories and pictures of the pet.

  • Let children see your own grief, in a way that’s age-appropriate.

  • Answer their questions, even if they ask the same thing again and again.

Task 2: To Process the Pain of Grief

Children express pain differently than adults. Some may cry or withdraw. Others may act out, show changes in behavior, or ask questions that seem unrelated. Some might appear unaffected at first, then show signs of sadness weeks later.

It’s important to validate whatever they are feeling. Let them know it’s okay to be sad, angry, confused, or even to feel numb. Grief doesn’t always look like tears. Sometimes it looks like a child playing with their toys more quietly than usual or asking if they can get another dog right away.

Creating space for children to express their grief in their own way is key. This could include art, storytelling, drawing pictures of their pet, or making a memory box. It may also mean simply being with them, offering your presence without pressure to talk.

What can help:

  • Invite your child to share a story about their pet.

  • Ask, “What do you miss most about Bella?”

  • Reassure them that all feelings are welcome, and that there is no “right way” to grieve.

Task 3: To Adjust to a World Without the Pet

Pets are woven into the daily routines of a family. Morning feedings, after-school cuddles, evening walks. When a pet dies, those routines shift, and the absence becomes more real with each passing day.

For a child, this can be especially disorienting. They may notice the silence in the house or miss the wag of a tail that greeted them after a hard day. Helping children adapt means noticing these changes and talking about them openly.

At the same time, it can be comforting to find small ways to honor the role the pet played in the family. This could include creating a ritual, planting a flower in the pet’s memory, or lighting a candle at bedtime to say goodnight.

This task is about helping kids find their footing in a world where the pet is no longer physically present, while also keeping a healthy connection to their memory.

What can help:

  • Re-establish routines with care and flexibility.

  • Invite your child to come up with a way to remember the pet, like a drawing, a story, or a special object.

  • Name the changes together: “It feels different coming home now that Luna isn’t at the door.”

Task 4: To Find an Enduring Connection with the Pet While Moving Forward

The last of Worden’s tasks is about helping children find a way to carry their love for their pet forward, even as life moves on. This doesn’t mean forgetting. In fact, it means remembering with love and gratitude.

Grief isn’t about “getting over” the loss. It’s about finding ways to hold onto the bond, while also re-engaging with life.

Children often do this naturally. They might still talk to their pet, draw them into their play, or include them in bedtime prayers. These are beautiful, healing ways to keep the connection alive.

Eventually, they might be ready to talk about getting another pet. Or maybe they won’t. Either way, what matters is that the child feels supported in remembering, honoring, and continuing to live fully.

What can help:

  • Create a tradition, like celebrating the pet’s “birthday” each year with a story or treat.

  • Encourage children to write a letter to the pet or draw a picture of what they imagine the pet is doing now.

  • Let them take the lead on when and how they want to move forward.

Final Thoughts: Grief is Love That Has Nowhere to Go

Grieving the loss of a pet is hard. And for children, it can be one of their first big experiences of heartache. But it’s also an opportunity. An opportunity for connection, for emotional growth, and for learning how to hold love and loss at the same time.

As adults, we don’t have to have all the answers. What children need most is our presence, our honesty, and our compassion. By walking with them through Worden’s tasks of mourning, we help them build a foundation for grieving that can support them not just now, but for a lifetime.

Let their tears come. Let their joy come too. Hold space for all of it. That’s where healing lives.