We’ve all been in situations where a friend, loved one, or even a stranger is struggling. Maybe they’ve just lost someone they love, are dealing with a tough life transition, or are feeling overwhelmed by the weight of the world. In these moments, our instinct is often to offer support—but how we do that makes a huge difference.

Do we offer empathy, truly sitting with them in their emotions? Or do we offer sympathy, acknowledging their pain but keeping an emotional distance? While both come from a place of care, only empathy creates deep, meaningful connections.

Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor and expert on vulnerability, courage, and empathy, has beautifully described the difference between these two responses and why empathy is what fosters true healing and connection.

So, let’s dive into what sets empathy apart, why it matters, and how we can all strengthen our ability to practice it.

The Key Differences Between Empathy and Sympathy

Brené Brown’s famous animated short on empathy vs. sympathy (if you haven’t seen it, it’s worth watching!) illustrates these two concepts perfectly.

🔹 Sympathy says: “Oh, that’s so tough. I’m so sorry.” But it stays at a distance, keeping the focus on the observer rather than the person experiencing pain.

🔹 Empathy says: “I’m here with you. I’m hearing so much sadness in this. You’re not alone.” It invites connection and shared experience, rather than separation.

In her book Daring Greatly, Brown explains that sympathy often unintentionally makes people feel more alone. When we respond with sympathy, we acknowledge someone’s pain, but we don’t step into it with them. We might offer clichés like “At least it’s not worse” or “Everything happens for a reason”—statements that might be well-meaning but ultimately dismissive.

Empathy, on the other hand, is about truly seeing and hearing another person’s pain. It’s about creating a space where they can feel safe and understood. Instead of trying to “fix” the situation or make it more comfortable for ourselves, we sit with them in it.

💡 Key Takeaway: Sympathy is standing on the shore, calling out to someone who’s struggling in the water. Empathy is climbing in the boat with them and rowing through the waves together.

Why Empathy Matters So Much

Empathy is more than just a social skill—it’s the foundation of human connection. When we practice empathy:

✅ We build stronger relationships. Whether in friendships, romantic relationships, or workplaces, people feel more connected to those who truly understand them.

✅ We create safe emotional spaces. When people know they can share their struggles without being judged or dismissed, they feel valued and seen.

✅ We help others feel less alone. Grief, anxiety, and pain are isolating. Empathy is a powerful antidote to loneliness.

✅ We become better leaders, parents, and partners. Understanding others’ emotions makes us more compassionate decision-makers, caregivers, and communicators.

Brené Brown emphasizes that empathy is not about having the “perfect” response—it’s about showing up. It’s about saying, “I don’t have all the answers, but I’m here with you.”

How to Improve Your Empathy

The good news? Empathy is a skill that can be developed. Some people have been building the skill of empathy all their lives and for them this can feel very natural. Others of us have never really learned how to express empathy. Helpfully, we can all strengthen our ability to connect with others in a more meaningful way.

1. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

Many of us listen just enough to formulate our next response. True empathy means listening deeply—not just to words, but to emotions. It also means connecting with the emotions the other person is experiencing.

🌟 Try this: The next time someone shares something difficult, pause before responding. Instead of offering advice or trying to relate it to your own experience, simply say, “It sounds like this is making you really sad. Tell me more.”

2. Avoid Minimizing or Silver-Lining Pain

It’s human nature to want to make things better. But phrases like “At least…”, “Look on the bright side,” or “Everything happens for a reason” often make people feel unheard.

🌟 Try this instead: “That sounds incredibly lonely (try to take a good guess as to what the emotion is here). I just want to make sure you know that I’m here for you.”

3. Get Comfortable with Discomfort

Empathy often requires sitting in discomfort—witnessing someone’s pain without rushing to fix it. This can be hard, but it’s necessary.

🌟 Try this: The next time someone shares something painful, resist the urge to jump in with solutions. Instead, practice being present. A simple “I hear you” or “I’m with you” can mean the world.

4. Recognize That You Don’t Have to Have the “Perfect” Words

One of Brené Brown’s most comforting insights is that there is no perfect response to someone’s pain. What matters is showing up with sincerity.

🌟 Try this: If you’re unsure what to say, keep it simple:

  • “I don’t have the right words, but I’m here for you.”
  • “That sounds so hard. I’m holding space for you.”
  • “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Sometimes, a hug, a quiet presence, or simply bearing witness to someone’s pain is more powerful than any words.

5. Practice Self-Compassion to Improve Empathy for Others

Brené Brown teaches that we can’t offer true empathy to others if we don’t first offer it to ourselves. If we’re constantly judging or criticizing ourselves, we’ll struggle to hold space for others without judgment.

🌟 Try this: Pay attention to how you speak to yourself. Would you talk to a friend that way? If not, practice shifting your inner dialogue to be kinder. When we give ourselves grace, we can extend that same grace to others.

Bringing More Empathy into Our Daily Lives

Empathy isn’t just for big, painful moments—it’s something we can practice every day:

💙 With our loved ones: Instead of jumping to solutions, offer understanding first.
💙 At work: Recognize that colleagues are humans first. A small check-in can go a long way.
💙 With strangers: You never know what someone is going through. Kindness and patience matter.

Brené Brown reminds us that empathy makes the world softer, safer, and more connected. When we choose to step into someone else’s experience—even when it’s uncomfortable—we create spaces where healing can happen.

Final Thoughts: You Are Capable of Deep Connection

Empathy is a gift. It allows us to meet people where they are, to sit with them in their darkest moments, and to remind them they are not alone. It’s not about fixing, minimizing, or having the perfect words—it’s about being present.

If you’re looking to deepen your connections, support loved ones through difficult times, or even heal from a lack of empathy in your own life, know that this is a skill you can grow.

And if you’re struggling with feeling heard and understood in your own life, therapy can offer a safe space to explore that.

📅 Take the next step. Book a free consultation online and let’s explore how to build more connection, healing, and empathy together.