There’s a story I share with clients when depression feels too big to put into words.

Imagine a bear has wandered into your living room.
It’s massive. It’s not moving. You don’t know how it got there, and you don’t know what it wants. But it stays. You try to go about your day, stepping around it, pretending it’s not there, avoiding its gaze. Still, it looms. It takes up space. It changes the way you live in your own home.

For many people, depression doesn’t show up as tears or sadness. It arrives as a silent, heavy presence. It dulls the colors in the room. It interferes with your ability to speak up, reach out, and engage with the world. It alters the rhythm of your life, often without warning or consent.

Most of the time, our first instinct is to get the bear out. We try to push it away, quiet it, or wait it out. We think, “If I could just get rid of this feeling, I could get back to being myself.” But what if the presence of the bear is telling us something about the story we’re living inside?

When Depression Shapes the Narrative

Narrative therapy invites us to consider how problems like depression take shape in the stories we carry. These stories are not simply personal. They are built from experiences, relationships, cultural messages, and family legacies. Depression, in this context, is not who you are. It is something that has entered the story and taken up space.

Sometimes the bear appears during times of transition, loss, or isolation. Other times, it emerges gradually in the background, weaving itself into the narrative without a clear beginning. However it arrives, it often begins to influence the way we see ourselves.

We might start to believe:

• I’m too much for people
• I’m not doing enough
• I’m failing at life
• I don’t belong

These beliefs are not the truth of who we are. They are conclusions shaped by pain, by moments when our needs were unmet or our voices unheard. The bear is not the full story. It is a chapter that deserves to be examined with care.

Listening for the Meaning Beneath the Weight

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) teaches us that strong emotional responses often reflect something precious and unmet beneath the surface. Depression can be a signal of disconnection, both from others and from the parts of ourselves that long for comfort, safety, or significance.

When depression is in the room, it can feel like your emotions have shut down. But underneath the flatness, there may be important questions waiting to be heard:

• Where did I lose connection with others?
• When did I learn to stop asking for help?
• What am I afraid would happen if I spoke honestly about how I feel?

Narrative therapy helps us name these emotional patterns not as personal flaws, but as responses to a broader context. It might be the context of growing up in a family that discouraged emotional expression, or being in a culture that values productivity over well-being. In this way, depression becomes something we can step back from and examine rather than something we are trapped inside.

Rewriting the Story With Compassion

Once we begin to externalize the problem and see depression as something separate from our identity, we create space for choice. You are not depression. You are a person navigating life in the presence of depression.

When clients begin to speak about their experience this way, their language shifts:

• “Depression has been crowding out my energy, but I’m learning to take some of that space back.”
• “The story I’ve been told is that I have to be strong and quiet, but I’m starting to challenge that.”
• “I’m noticing that the bear gets bigger when I stop doing things that bring me joy.”

These small changes in language mark the beginning of story repair. We begin to move from the problem-saturated narrative into a richer, more complex account of who you are and what you value.

You may start to remember moments when you felt like yourself again, even briefly. You may reconnect with values that matter deeply to you, even if they feel distant right now. And with support, you may find new ways to relate to others that invite vulnerability rather than isolation.

Making Room for the Bear Without Letting It Take Over

You don’t have to like the bear. It may have overstayed its welcome. But the more we try to shove it out of the room, the more disruptive it tends to become.

Instead of demanding that it disappear, we might begin to ask gentler questions. What brought you here? What are you trying to protect? What is no longer sustainable in the way I’ve been living?

This kind of inquiry is not indulgent. It’s healing. Depression often arrives when we’ve pushed through too much for too long without acknowledgment. When we stop long enough to notice what the bear is pointing to, grief, fatigue, loneliness, unmet needs, we begin to reclaim our voice and sense of agency.

The Power of Witnessing and Connection

One of the most powerful shifts in both narrative and emotionally focused therapy is the movement from isolation to connection. Depression thrives in silence. When your experience is witnessed with warmth and respect, the story begins to shift.

Therapy offers this kind of witnessing. It is not about fixing you. It is about joining you in your story, helping you sort through what is no longer serving you, and amplifying the voices within you that still hold hope, creativity, and strength.

You are allowed to tell the truth about how heavy things feel. You are allowed to question the roles and expectations you’ve inherited. And you are allowed to begin imagining a different chapter, one where your needs and emotions matter.

You Are Not Alone

If depression has moved into your life like an uninvited guest, know that you do not have to carry this alone. Whether the bear has been there for years or just arrived, your experience deserves to be heard and understood.

Therapy can offer a space to begin rewriting the story, to reconnect with what matters most, and to find new ways forward that align with your values and sense of self.

Reach out here or book a session if you’re ready to begin.

Read More on the Blog

• Disenfranchised Grief: When Your Loss Doesn’t “Count”
• Avoidant Conflict: What Looks Like Calm Might Be Disconnection
• When the Load You’re Carrying Is Invisible: Understanding the Mental Load
• Parenting After Divorce: When a New Partner Enters the Story

Academic Resources and Further Reading

• National Institute of Mental Health – Depression