When you’re a kid, making friends just sort of happens. You sit next to someone in class, trade snacks, or play on the swings, and suddenly you’re best friends. But as we grow older, it’s not so easy.

Many people feel confused or even ashamed about how hard it is to make friends as an adult. In therapy, I hear this all the time: “Why is it so hard to make friends now?” You’re not imagining it. And you’re definitely not the only one.

Let’s talk about why making friends as an adult is so challenging, what might be getting in the way, and how therapy can help you build meaningful connections.

Life Changes, and So Do Friendships

There are a few big reasons why making friends in adulthood feels harder than it used to.

We Don’t Have Built-In Social Time Anymore

When we’re younger, we’re constantly surrounded by people. School, sports, clubs, and college all give us repeated chances to connect with others. These shared routines make it easy to bond.

But in adulthood, those natural social spaces often disappear. We’re working full-time, running errands, raising families, and barely keeping up with our schedules. Friendship no longer fits neatly into our day. We have to create time for it, and that’s not always easy.

We Carry More Emotional Baggage

By the time we’re adults, we’ve lived through friendship breakups, disappointments, and moments of rejection. These experiences leave emotional scars that shape how we approach new relationships.

Maybe we pull back before anyone can leave us. Maybe we try too hard to be liked. Either way, it’s natural to protect ourselves. But those same protective habits can keep us from forming the connections we long for.

Society Doesn’t Prioritize Friendship

We hear a lot about romantic relationships, careers, and family life—but not much about friendship. Many people believe they’re “supposed to” be fulfilled by their partner or their job, and that wanting more connection sounds needy.

But friendship is a real human need. It’s not extra. It’s essential.

What Makes It Even Harder Today?

Even if we want new friendships, it’s not always easy to take that first step. Here are a few things that get in the way.

Social Anxiety

Reaching out to someone can feel scary. What if they think we’re awkward? What if we’re bothering them? What if we get rejected?

These fears are common and deeply human. They often come from past experiences that taught us to expect rejection or embarrassment. Therapy can help untangle those fears so you feel more confident in connection.

Lack of Time and Energy

Modern life is exhausting. After work, chores, and everything else on your plate, the thought of making small talk might feel overwhelming. We often want deeper relationships, but we’re too tired to pursue them.

Fear of Getting Hurt Again

If someone hurt or abandoned us in the past, it makes sense that we hesitate to trust again. Our brains remember pain. Sometimes we protect ourselves by avoiding closeness, even when we’re lonely.

Comparison and Perfectionism

Social media can make it seem like everyone else has a perfect social life. We may feel like we don’t measure up or that we’re the only ones struggling.

But many people are in the same place craving deeper friendships and not sure how to start.

What Therapy Can Help You Discover

Therapy is a safe space to talk honestly about friendship. You don’t have to pretend that you’re okay being alone. You can explore what kind of connection you want and what might be keeping you from it.

Together, we can explore:

  • What kind of friendships you truly need

  • How past experiences affect your current patterns

  • How to build trust and safety in new relationships

  • How to start small and take safe social risks

  • How to recognize people who feel aligned and supportive

We can also talk about the stories you’ve come to believe about yourself. Many of us carry beliefs like “I’m too much” or “I always get left out.” These beliefs served a purpose, but they’re not the whole truth.

Friendship Can Look Different in Adulthood

We often expect friendships to look the same as they did in school—daily texts, constant hangouts, instant closeness. But adult life looks different, and so can adult friendships.

Meaningful adult friendships might look like:

  • A monthly coffee date

  • Leaving each other voice memos instead of texting

  • Checking in during life’s highs and lows

  • Sharing memes, playlists, or podcasts

  • Being there for each other, even from afar

There’s no one way to do friendship. What matters is that it feels good and supportive for both of you.

You’re Not Alone in This

If you’re struggling to make friends, please know this: you’re not broken. You’re not behind. You’re not failing.

You’re human.

You want connection. You want to feel seen, known, and cared for. That’s not too much to ask. That’s something you deserve.

Therapy Can Help You Feel Less Alone

Friendship isn’t just a luxury. It’s part of how we heal, grow, and thrive. If you’re feeling stuck, isolated, or unsure where to begin, therapy can help you make sense of your experiences and take small steps toward connection.

You don’t have to stay lonely. And you don’t have to figure it out alone.

Looking for support as you rebuild connection?
I offer relational therapy for adults seeking deeper friendships and emotional healing. Learn more or book a session by clicking the Book Online button above.